The Art of Negotiating: Boyfriend Edition

Denis: "I'm going to a stripclub."
Me: "Ok. For why?"
Denis: "Dave and all the guys from work wanna go, so I'm gonna go with them too."
Me: "Oh, okay. Which one?"
Denis: "Probably Hustler, don't know."
Me: "Ok."
Denis: "I'm gonna look at boobies."
Me: "Ok."
Denis: "Lots of boobies."
Me: "Ok."
Denis: "They're not going to be yours."
Me: "Ok."
Denis: "And probably vaginas too."
Me: "Ok."
Denis: "I might get a lapdance."
Me: "Ok."
Denis: "And there might be alcohol."
Me: "Ok."
Denis: "And I might go home with a stripper."
Me: "No."
Denis: looks relieved "Ok."
Me: "Were you just trying to get me to be jealous?"
Denis: "....maybe."
Me: "You know I don't mind if you just look, just don't cheat on me."
Denis: "But what if I can get a blowjob for really cheap? Like $20?"
Me: "Ew, no. You don't know what she has. She might give it to you, and then you might give it to me."
Denis: "But... but... $20! My inner Jew! I can't resist a bargain!"
Me: "Orrrrr... you could use that $20 to buy me a week's worth of smoothies and I'll give you blowjobs for the rest of your life."
Denis: "... okay, my inner Jew likes that better."